Three people explaining why it's essential we start a war with Iran
1. George W Bush: 'Some weeks ago, President Ahmadinejad of Iran visited US soil. Now, two weeks later, a fierce fire has ravaged California, the home of where they film the American Dream. I'm here to tell you, this is not coincidental. President Ahmadinejad has used guile and secrecy to harbour terrifying menace in the past and today is no exception.
'Our country stands threatened by heat, as does the world, for is not global warming terrifying heat on a world scale?'
2. Tony Blair: 'I've now spent three months travelling the Middle East trying to sort it out and preparing material for a hopefully quite interesting second volume to my memoirs, and among the many injustices and miserable faces I've encountered in this tortured and complex land, the one message I'm getting is that the whole region is balanced on a precarious knife-edge that could go up in tinder at any time.
'My feeling is that we need to be careful in our actions here and that what is required is that we very carefully and very delicately bomb and then attack Iran. I don't say this lightly. Many will disagree with me. Indeed, many do.
'Which convinces me all the more this is the right thing to do. You see, it's clear from the evidence we're getting that Iran could have a nuclear weapon ready to strike against the West in as little as 45 months. Which is why we only have days to act.'
3. Jack Straw: 'I know a year or so ago I said that any military strike against Iran was inconceivable, but that was because at the time I wasn't conceiving of it happening. In fact, the bombing of Iran then was such a mad idea that it simply would not have been possible to conceive of the gargantuan mess such an action might bring.
'Now, of course, having seen what's happened in Iraq, it is now possible to conceive of such horror, which is why I now happily say that the bombing of Iran is conceivable. I wouldn't read anything sinister in this. I'm merely stating the facts as I conceive them.'
Ten things for David Dimbleby to say when taking questions from the audience in Question Time
1 A question over there from the man who looks like he's scared of his mother
2 Comment there from the lady in pain.
3 Yes, the gentleman at the back who's thinking of telling his wife he's a woman trapped inside a man's body.
4 Comment from you, sir. No, not you. You look like you were charged with possession of class-A drugs 13 years ago. I mean the gentleman behind you; the one who wishes he had his neighbour's car.
5 I'll take a comment there from the young lady in the front row who looks like she's never met the Queen.
6 Yes, the man in the row two-thirds from the back who's allergic to nuts.
7 Lady there who's not looking forward to her skiing holiday.
8 Yes, an opinion there from the man in the centre with a face that looks like a sheep diagnosed with bluetongue spotting the vet advancing towards it with a stun gun.
9 Two opinions simultaneously, one from the gentleman from Dundee and the other from the lady in front who's planning to gazump a close friend.
10 Question there from the gentleman in the blue shirt that hides a tattoo of a woman trapped in a cave being roared at by a dragon and some scars from a boating accident he had in the Norfolk Broads when he forgot to tie it the bank in a sudden gale and ended up with his chest trapped against the side of the lock and unable to rescue his dog, but could he make it succinct because there isn't much time?
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